Jackie Milburn was Newcastle United’s first iconic number 9. TwinsTown’s first iconic number 9 is, appropriately, Wrath of the Rum. For the Young ‘uns who don’t know of Wor Jackie, think Alan Shearer. For Pars fans we have Charlie Dickson and John Watson.

Yes, Wrath of the Rum is THE iconic centre-forward of TwinsTown songs. Track 9 on Brankholm Brae is scattering defenders and scoring sonic goals for fun.

Wrath of the Rum, a classic TwinsTown anthem, shoulder-charging its way to become Brankholm Brae’s iconic track 9. The first name on the team sheet.

Some might say too much fun. Not me. I love it.

It’s the good and the bad

I feel cheap and I’m sad

And the ugly

I’m a creep and I’m mad

They’re all part of me

What a weekend we had

On OVD

TwinsTown

It starts with arguably the greatest ever TwinsTown pop reference, it’s my favourite film starring Lee Van Cleef (Clint Eastwood was in it too), The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Yabba dabba doo! Yes, it’s even better than the opening on Last Romance featuring The Flintstones.

When the chorus kicks in you kinda know it’s the wild wild west of Fife, not Tombstone, Arizona, but who’d have guessed Wellwood!?

Well well Wellwood

You think I’m misunderstood

Don’t you ever say no

Now I’m pished and I’m rude

To the devil you know

I threw my fist I felt good

On OVD

TwinsTown

Someone told me that, alongside pop accessibility and ironic posturing, indie rock is supposed to be authentic. Well, we have Johnny Depp for the ironic posturing and Dive In for pop accessibility. Wrath of the Rum is authentic.

It’s the wrath of the Rum

I just rattled someone

Got me under his thumb

But the battle ain’t won

He’s the Devil in me

Feel the wrath of my rum

My OVD

TwinsTown

Of course, for legal reasons, we have to point out that this is purely a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events and incidents are the products of the authors’ imaginations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Oaft, glad I remembered to say that. What’s that you’re saying about law suits from Sergio Leone and Fred Flintstone?

Wrath of the Rum follows Dive In and Lo Siento on Side Two of Brankholm Brae, the stunning debut album from TwinsTown.

As you can see above, we’re only at the midpoint of Side Two on Brankholm Brae. We may have peaked too soon.

What more drama can TwinsTown’s stunning debut album offer up?

Coming soon…

Brankholm Brae, the stunning debut album from TwinsTown, offering drama all the way to the final whistle. No leaving early to beat the rush. Traipse out slowly to the Bluebell Polka with the rest of us.

Actually, a Trainspotting ending to this wee preview is probably better.

“Right, that boy got rattled, and no cunt leaves ’til I find oot whit cunt did it…”

Quick Donald, run for it!

Brankholm Brae – TwinsTown.

Stay alive!

What is Brankholm Brae? It’s the wild, wild west of Rosyth.

Brankholm Brae, Rosyth.

Really? Aye, running from the A985 Rosyth to Kincardine road to Grange Road, the notoriously dangerous shortcut to Dunfermline, Brankholm Brae is as far west as housing development in Rosyth goes.

A notoriously dangerous shortcut to Dunfermline, aye!? That’s not all, notorious twins Donald and Stuart Mackay live there aka Double Trouble.

Okay, now I know why it’s wild, but why is Brankholm Brae in the news? During lockdown, missing all their friends and family, the twins were very sad. Tear-stained beer mats containing scribbled lyrics littered their penthouse apartment. And then, gathering all their resolve, the poor wee lambs transformed themselves into mummy’s little soldiers. They fought back from the brink of despair. Armed with guitars and keyboards, the twins turned those soggy lyrics into tunes so catchy all their troubles evaporated. In a mist of creativity Double Trouble survived. Songwriting saved them and our intrepid lockdown survivors decided to name TwinsTown’s debut album after the street where it all happened, Brankholm Brae. It’s the lockdown legacy.

Wow, that’s inspiring. I spent lockdown playing xbox. That’s why you don’t have a no.1 album in the making.

Bruce Springsteen named his debut album Greetings from Asbury Park, N.J. making Brankholm Brae to TwinsTown as Asbury Park is to The Boss… Aye, good point, although Bruce’s debut was a critical but not a commercial success. TwinsTown won’t care about critics. “F*** the haters!” is their moto. TwinsTown just want the commercial success; selling out albums, singles and gigs (when gigs are allowed).

Isn’t “Flare It!” the TwinsTown moto? You can never have too many motos.

“Flare it!” one of many TwinsTown motos.

You can have too many rums though… Funny you should say that, Brankholm Brae features 11 brand spanking new lockdown-inspired tracks and one returning Wingnuts classic, Wrath of the Rum, featuring the lyric, “take me to the wild, wild west…”

Is that analogous to the wild west inhabited by Jesse James, Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday or about the wild west of Rosyth? Ah, it’s a closely guarded secret. Although, did they have O.V.D. in the old western saloons of Tombstone, Arizona and the like?

O.V.D. rum was first blended and bottled in 1838 on Dock Street, Dundee. It stands for Old Vatted Demerara, a style of rum blending unique to the Demerara region of Guyana. Our emigrants would’ve probably taken it all over the States.

“It’s the devil in me. It’s my O.V.D.”

I get it. TwinsTown enjoy a rum. Any other themes on Brankholm Brae? No, it’s all about rum.

You jest… Aye, there are 11 new songs with themes covering all kinds of mental health issues and sinful behaviour. It goes far beyond binge drinking. Alongside wrath the other six deadly sins appear: pride, greed, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth.

Oaft! Sounds scary… Brankholm Brae delves deep into the dark recesses of the human mind. There’s paranoia, schizophrenia, repression, narcissism, fetishism, obsession, depression, anxiety, addiction, sexual frustration, and the list goes on.

Sounds like a night out with Big Daddy… Sssh!

Didn’t you say Fred Flintstone turns up down The Glen singing yabaa dabaa doo? Yeah, TwinsTown love a pop or cultural reference and the humour of the band shines through on every track. Behind the laughter though there’s the reality of heartbreak, trauma and tears…

They’re not crying about the second wave lockdown are they? Of course not, this is the story of lives placed under intense, microscopic review when locked down in Brankholm Brae with only memories and each other for friends. I’m the one crying about the second wave lockdown. It’s effectively closed my pub, Tappie Toories.

You should write a song about that… We’d need a parental advisory explicit content warning for that.

Parental advisory warning not required… yet.

Where can I buy this stunning debut album? Not where, when is the question. It’s a work in progress. It’ll be released next year and, the good news is, vinyl will be available.

Who is the producer? Robin Evans at Tpot Studios in Path of Condie. He worked with The View on their first EP and he’s doing a great job. Covid-19 is not making progress easy.

Do say: “Can I do advanced booking: one album and two tickets for the launch party at Tappie Toories please.”

Don’t say: “Dry yer eyes, lockdown will end and Tappies will reopen.”