Name: Smackay fae TwinsTown.

Smackay aka Stuart.

I can’t call you Smackay! What’s your real name? S. Mackay.

I see. Do your pals lack ingenuity? My brother is called Hornet ‘cos he has yellow stripes on his black trainers.

I see. Anyway why are you in the news? My band TwinsTown are releasing a debut album sometime, called Brankholm Brae, and I’m a rockin’ machine.

Are you sure you’re not a ‘rocket’ machine? No, no, “rockin’ machine” for sure. I don’t know who came up with “rocket machine” in our lyrics.

Ever heard of plausible deniability? Yes, and I’m using it to the max, so shut yer pus!

Moving on. Are you really a direct descendant of Winston Churchill? No, our idiotic PR man made that up for a laugh.

Does he do that often… actually, don’t answer that. Just tell me why? I impersonate Winston Churchill on Spitfire, the opening track of Brankholm Brae.

And this is when you’re a rocket… Rockin’ I said.

Sorry. What makes the track such a stand out? Ask the customers and staff at The Istanbul, Dunfermline. That night you bought us one too many at Raffles, we premiered the track with an impromptu performance whilst ordering a pizza at the same time. It’s on video.

Spitfire premiere plus pizza at The Istanbul, Dunfermline.

Do say: “Spitfire, you’re a rockin’ machine!”

Don’t say: “Is that a baldy bit?”