Jackie Milburn was Newcastle United’s first iconic number 9. TwinsTown’s first iconic number 9 is, appropriately, Wrath of the Rum. For the Young ‘uns who don’t know of Wor Jackie, think Alan Shearer. For Pars fans we have Charlie Dickson and John Watson.

Yes, Wrath of the Rum is THE iconic centre-forward of TwinsTown songs. Track 9 on Brankholm Brae is scattering defenders and scoring sonic goals for fun.

Wrath of the Rum, a classic TwinsTown anthem, shoulder-charging its way to become Brankholm Brae’s iconic track 9. The first name on the team sheet.

Some might say too much fun. Not me. I love it.

It’s the good and the bad

I feel cheap and I’m sad

And the ugly

I’m a creep and I’m mad

They’re all part of me

What a weekend we had

On OVD

TwinsTown

It starts with arguably the greatest ever TwinsTown pop reference, it’s my favourite film starring Lee Van Cleef (Clint Eastwood was in it too), The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Yabba dabba doo! Yes, it’s even better than the opening on Last Romance featuring The Flintstones.

When the chorus kicks in you kinda know it’s the wild wild west of Fife, not Tombstone, Arizona, but who’d have guessed Wellwood!?

Well well Wellwood

You think I’m misunderstood

Don’t you ever say no

Now I’m pished and I’m rude

To the devil you know

I threw my fist I felt good

On OVD

TwinsTown

Someone told me that, alongside pop accessibility and ironic posturing, indie rock is supposed to be authentic. Well, we have Johnny Depp for the ironic posturing and Dive In for pop accessibility. Wrath of the Rum is authentic.

It’s the wrath of the Rum

I just rattled someone

Got me under his thumb

But the battle ain’t won

He’s the Devil in me

Feel the wrath of my rum

My OVD

TwinsTown

Of course, for legal reasons, we have to point out that this is purely a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events and incidents are the products of the authors’ imaginations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Oaft, glad I remembered to say that. What’s that you’re saying about law suits from Sergio Leone and Fred Flintstone?

Wrath of the Rum follows Dive In and Lo Siento on Side Two of Brankholm Brae, the stunning debut album from TwinsTown.

As you can see above, we’re only at the midpoint of Side Two on Brankholm Brae. We may have peaked too soon.

What more drama can TwinsTown’s stunning debut album offer up?

Coming soon…

Brankholm Brae, the stunning debut album from TwinsTown, offering drama all the way to the final whistle. No leaving early to beat the rush. Traipse out slowly to the Bluebell Polka with the rest of us.

Actually, a Trainspotting ending to this wee preview is probably better.

“Right, that boy got rattled, and no cunt leaves ’til I find oot whit cunt did it…”

Quick Donald, run for it!

Brankholm Brae – TwinsTown.

Stay alive!

Name: Big Daddy aka Billy George.

Billy (centre) on a sunny day with, from left to right, former TwinsTown man Ben Sharp aka B-Sharp, daughter Ellie, son Jack and wife Claire.

As TwinsTown manager you must feel like Top Cat, the indisputable leader of the gang. Aye, the most tip top, Top Cat!

TC was effectual, intellectual, and a VIP… He did outwit Officer Dibble on a daily basis.

Who do you outwit on a daily basis? Well, not Donald and Stuart obviously, they’re far too cunning. I can’t even get them in my car within a half hour of arriving to pick them up.

Yeah, I noticed. Still, TC’s gang adored him: Benny the Ball (Donald), Choo-Choo (Stuart), Brian (Wayne), Spook (Mark), and Fancy-Fancy (Harry). Interviewing TwinsTown, I asked who was their favourite member. After votes for Ainsley Harriott and Tony Bellew were disqualified, you were the runaway winner. Another award for the mantle piece.

The boys say you boldly go where no manager has gone before… Is this a William Shatner joke!?

Oops, caught! Better scrub the one about Steve Bruce. Moving on. Is it true that you have a Wingnuts tattoo? Who have you been speaking to!?

Ellie and Billy George (looking nothing like William Shatner or Steve Bruce).

Oops. Moving on. Did Donald and Stuart really save the Pars by singing their own anti-Masteron song in Fabric after the Save the Pars gathering at The Alhambra? No, Jason Duffy saved the Pars playing Pars songs in The Old Inn on the day of the Pars march. The event was featured in the Scotland on Sunday as a double-page centrefold.

Jason’s a Celtic fan though… As are a few other well-known Pars fans.

Enough said. You’re a frontman in your own right with Honk. I’ve got your album, Eventually. What’s It All About and Love You More are great tracks, and I love you playing Home Fires Burning at the end of every gig… It’s a tribute to a great friend David Bell aka Diddyman who, like many during the miners’ strike, suffered at the hands of Thatcher’s police oppression. He was compensated, but later died in tragic circumstances.

Eventually, a quality album from Honk.
Billy fronting Honk at Leroy Day in PJs.

TwinsTown have a wee political edge too. I assume you approve… Oh, aye.

Your chilli sold out every table in Tappies on Friday and received rave reviews. Did you miss your true calling in life as a chef, and do you now regret music management? Everyday of my life.

I know you love it really... It’s heart over head when it comes to music and TwinsTown are well worth it. They’re excellent. New album, Brankholm Brae, is 12 of the best tunes I’ve heard in ages.

Heart over head,” you say. A bit like your politics… Don’t go there.

Do say: “You’re a better frontman than Richard Jobson.”

Don’t say: “The twins are stranded miles away with no money. You’ll have to sort them out again.”